I am so so so blessed....I've had 7 YEARS!

My little love Miss Kendall turns 7 today....7 years ago this tiny beautiful baby was born and she looked perfect but I didn't know that she had a genetic metabolic disease until a few weeks later. It was an extremely long 5 months after that...It was like time stood still and I was living in a total fog. I was pretending to be a Mom to my other kids, a wife to Nate..but I was just going through motions. I was 100% focused 24/7 on my sick little baby and how we were going to live with this forever...I remember when I had resolved to be OK with it. I was walking around the hospital during one of her week long stays and I walked by these tiny kids being wheeled around in a cart with absolutely no hair and looking so tired and sick but smiling so big...I started crying, realizing that this was their life and why not me? I told God that I understand this happens and why not me? Did I think I was beyond pain, beyond challenges, beyond disappointments? Who did I think I was, really? People kept praying, asking God to heal her.. I appreciated the prayers yet I stopped praying myself for her healing.. I would just ask God..if you want to heal her, please do God. I don't EXPECT you to do it, in a demanding way..I would be grateful forever..but I will be grateful forever for her..even living with her sick...I had to be OK with it.. and manage and pull it together and jump in and learn about it and deal...5 months after she was born I got the call.. Nate and I were on our way to a cruise. We had bought it a long time ago for our anniversary and there were no refunds. It was a 3 day cruise off the coast and I didn't want to go. She wasn't in the hospital at that time but she had to be fed every two hours 24/7 and I was nervous to leave her. My Mom swore to take good care and I know that I needed a break. Spending the night in the hospital for nights and nights when she was there and just being up every 2 hours all day and night.. Yet I was terrified to leave... On our way to the cruise her Doctor called me.. She told me that all the latest tests came back negative.. her liver biopsy was fine and there was no evidence in her urine anymore..The doctor said.."I don't know what to say here... I could say there are just things we can't explain" Before the positive tests in her urine, all the specialists agreed that if you are not sick there is no way for it to be in your urine and she will always have it in her urine.... I started crying and crying and crying... The doctor said to enjoy my trip!!! They were going to run tests again when we got back to confirm...They did, they ran them again and everything came back Negative! It was hard to let go for the first year. I still got up every few hours to see if she was breathing..I watched her like a HAWK and I just prayed that if she was sick that God would keep me alert to the symptoms. After a bit.. we found out that her middle name JACE...means healing/healer. I had no idea what the name meant when we named her. I just loved the sound of it....So, my GOD stamped her name with healing before she was even born!!! This child has been such a gift. She is pure JOY! She is full full full of life, full of love and is so happy! She sings to her own melodies and surprises us all the time. I am still and will always be grateful to God for what He did... I didn't demand it, or walk around like I deserved it.. I asked and was OK either way. I still don't know if I handled it "right".. I handled it real and God did what He did...I will never forget and I will tell her the story over and over and over.. How God created her and made a promise to her, even before she was born. I am blessed on this day... September 17Th... I love you my precious, precious little Heart...

Here is a picture of her this morning.. walking down the street to the bus stop...Singing a song about turning 7 and making sure to keep 7 on her fingers at all time... : )

She CRAZY!

This is the face of one BAD CHICK! I mean bad in the good way of course....This child never seems to amaze me with how tough she is physically. She pulls out her own teeth when they aren't even very loose..because she was done with it and was getting it out. She is bruised up, scraped up, bleeding all the time and just rolls with it. But yesterday she seemed to top it tall...Nate took the kids to their dentist appointments, CJ needed a few old fillings removed and then fixed and then she needed a new filling in one spot. Well, she told the Dentist that she didn't want any numbing shots.... Umm, what? Yeah she just wanted to hold her Dad's hand and get it over with..!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! She did it... and he even cut her lip and there was blood everywhere and she was just like, oh it's okay! He gave her a bravery award ticket to go to Taco Bell..haha Please understand how if I was there I would have been pushing her to get some numbing shots..but her Dad was like.. oh ok, whatever you want. I don't know if cavities hurt or not, I was always numbed so maybe it wasn't to bad but She said it hurt for a while and she just got use to it.. CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this wild child....

Spanglish~

One of my favorite movies is Spanglish...I just love love love it. I watched it again this weekend and the relationship between the Mother(main character-housekeeper) and her daughter just gets me....There is a line at the end when her daughter is upset with her and she tells her Mom that she needs space.... Her mom comes running over with total authority and violates her personal space and says..."There is NO space between us!" Every time I cry....OYE... for so many reasons. A violent, passionate love that creates no space. (I'm not talking about free will or choice here) I can see myself yelling to my own daughter...There is NO space between us!! Out of a fierce affection..not domination..not controlling..not manipulative.....just pure violent affection. The kind that creates no space...the kind God created for Him and us. So crazy.......Sigh..I Love love that line and plan to pocket it and use it any time needed in the future. Western mindset or not., my Goal is that there will be NO SPACE between my family and I.. there will be NO SPACE between my God and I will(hopefully)Fight to keep it so......

Lately....

Kids are back in school and Cole is seriously AGAINST middle school for 6th graders. CJ and Kendall come home everyday with virtually no homework..while Cole, well.. he has pages and pages. Things have been mellow...Nate and I are still working on the house every week and we've made some pretty good progress!

Cole broke his wrist and he was such a champ about it. We spent all day together traveling from office to office and we laughed all day and had the best time. He is a pretty cool guy and so fun to hang with. Even with his whacked out wrist he was in the best mood. So his activities are put on hold for a while.

Nate and I are headed to Vegas in two weeks for a WHOLE WEEK! Well more like 5 days but..yes! His work conference is there and I am tagging along. My parents are watching the kids and I am TOTALLY looking forward to hanging with my Man alone for a bit.

I had a pretty crazy thing happen a few nights ago...I was driving home late at night, alone and I was on a highway(speed limit 55) that is off the busy path and it's kind of like a side road really. One lane each way and in the middle of no where. I came around a curve and saw a big truck ahead coming the other way. The truck got into my lane and was coming at me head-on. All I could see was lights and I honked my horn a few times and then when the lights were almost at me I turned the car real fast..my front tires went off into the embankment and then I swerved back and my car did a 360 and kept going off into the other side of the road into the ditch. I just missed a huge sign pole by 2-3 inches...I have never had something like this happen to me. I remember when I was going into the ditch, saying out loud.."This is it". It all happened so fast and when it was over I sat in the ditch just shaking and crying for about 5 minutes. I am not the flustered, shaky, crying type..this really did a number on me. It took about 5 minutes going back and forth in the ditch to get my car loose and I called Nate and Thanked God I was able to be driving home....The car that ran me off, never came back to see if I had flipped or was OK.....sad. I lost the entire nights sleep..thinking about the what if's. Not a good way to spend the night. I shook that off and am so happy I have another day!!! God was watching and keeping me alert and the angels were on duty....

Here's to a great week.. CHEERS!

If a picture could capture my feelings..this would be it

Dearest God....thank you for being my refuge.....

James James James.....

James: 1;27

Religion that God accepts as pure and without fault is this: caring for orphans or widows who need help, and keeping yourself free from the world's evil influence.......


I've been in James and unable to get out!!! 5 chapters... I am hoping to plan a crop of "right-living".....

ACTION ACTION ACTION ACTION ACTION...DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO

A serious Blog neglector

Wow so I've been neglecting my blog in a serious way. I haven't been neglecting life so much though. BUSY!!!!!!!! But then not busy at the same time. Having all the kids home all day feels busy but we have lots of chill time together. Nate and I have been working on the house lots and running ideas by each other and looking at stores and I've been on design sites lots. It's been awesome finding all the cool stuff out there people are doing to their houses. We have lots of yard and house to fix up so it's going to take T-I-M-E....we are loving this and doing it ourselves feels pretty good.

I am STILL reading history books about women and women of achievement...it's kind of a weird obsession that hasn't died off. I AM CRAZY about women. I am bummed about where we seem to be these days though...hmmm..maybe more on this later.

Nate and I are taking the kids to Washington next week to see Nate's Mom and his sister Jenn and her family. My kids need to see some of their cousins from this side of the family. Seems we only get them together during sad times. It is worth the money to make memories...

After that the kids and I are heading to Cali to see my family and friends for two weeks. It will feel hard to leave my house thinking of the projects I could be doing...I need to settle down home project madness of the mind...

I just celebrated my 32 birthday. I love getting older and the age thing doesn't bother me at all. I love the 30's so much. Nate was very sweet to me. He surprised me and planned for him and I to have the whole night alone. It was wonderful and much needed. The hotel was so nice and dinner was great. Good conversation, laughing and lots and lots of food...

I can hear the tile saw still going...time for me to do some more READING..