My little Kendal

Preschool graduation!! Honestly I know on the surface it sounds completely ridiculous..making such a fuss over ummm preschool?? Cole didn't really care about what was happening at his...CJ didn't get to graduate because we moved out here before she was able to finish...But my little Kendal has enjoyed every last minute of it. I feel so full of joy thinking about our last three years together. I have to say I was curious about what it would be like being alone with her after CJ ditched us and went to Kindergarten. I have to say that it's been better than I could have imagined. She is the best lunch date...there is NO LACK of conversation. She is the best shopping date especially if she gets to look at herself in the big mirrors from all angles and she is full of emotion which usually consists of either laughing, giggling or crying. We have had so much fun together and I am so thankful for these times...It was like we both knew we had this special time together and we enjoyed as we shared this time. She is so excited to go to big school but every time she thinks about it for longer than a minute she starts to cry...she looks at me and says she is just going to miss me so much when she goes to school everyday. We hug each other and I start to shed a few tears.. this has been going on for a week now, with all the leading up to the preschool grad stuff. I keep telling her that growing is God's plan and it'll be so good to see what's new that she hasn't seen before..and that she is only going half day so we can hang out every afternoon still!! I really have to choke back the tears and I didn't think I would be so incredibly emotional about this! I just always thought that she's been so ready to go to school for a long time and she would love it and not be bored here stuck with me so I was excited for it...I am still excited for it..I love to see my kids grow and to see them experiencing life..My emotions are mostly those of being a proud Mom. I am so proud of Kendal..this year with me working at her preschool and being the first sub called, I had to bring her to so many classes and of all ages and she just went with the flow and hung in there with me. She's had a great year and so when we went to pick out a graduation outfit and she wanted purple chandelier earrings and a fancy headband and pretty bracelets, I couldn't say no..I wanted her to feel beautiful and accomplished on this night. I bought presents for her(bubbles,chocolate,coloring books,nothing too fancy!) and Nate bought her flowers and a balloon and we made the most ridiculous fuss you've ever seen! She had the best night and it was so worth it...a little investment into her self confidence and a deposit into her love tank..... mission accomplished. At graduation night she sang out LOUD, smiling away, trying to keep her very tiny cap situated on her head, they announced she wanted to be a Chef when she grows up and she ended the night in tiny tears as she saw me headed up to the stage to pick her up after it was all over... I looked around at all the smiling kids, laughing, running around and I looked back up at Kendal standing there silently with her head down a little and her purple glasses filling up with wet kisses for me..I picked her up and hugged her tight. I said,"baby girl why are you crying right now?" She says...." Mama, it's just I am going to miss you, so much".........

Cole & CJ the ridiculous

My older children are borderline, I don't want to go as far as to say brain dead, but somewhere along those lines sometimes. Cole and CJ have never been cautious or careful with their flesh. Cole, as a small child did so many things to send him into the ER that I honestly didn't think he'd live this long. It was seriously insane how un-cautious he was and still is. The child seriously terrifies me. Thinking about him even crossing a street sends me into a panic. I just know he'll just go running and get hit by any moving car, bike, deer..ect. So, CJ... she definitely would look for cars crossing the street. She's not careless in that way, she is just a serious tomboy daredevil at it's finest. This child will basically do anything. Jump off anything, climb every tree taller than the house and do just about whatever you can think of dangerous without even a second guess! I do not know how they both haven't been so seriously injured or how they are still alive. They have some serious Angel protection and their angels work hard, okay, seriously hard. This brings me to what's been going on with them this year.. My kids are permanent pieces in the school nurses office this year. I can't even count how many times I've been called by the nurse for one of them, oh and for the second one, oh and for both kids on the same day.. It's been nuts out of control ridiculous!! They have been in the nurses office so much, the nurse tells me stories, like this," well this time..blah, blah" What? She says, this time? Cause it's all the dang time that's why. And sometimes the kids ask to go, sometimes they are forced by their teacher because of blood running from somewhere and other times, the recess aide sees them get clobbered so good she forces them to go too. Nate and I have been getting so stinkin tired of this that we have had to threaten to punish them because of it. One week CJ was seriously in there 4 out of the 5 days!! Come on! So the kids are now terrified of going to the nurse. This week I was sitting with the kids for dinner and I ask about their day. CJ says, I had to go to the nurse today, please don't be mad!! I was forced to go! I told the recess aide I didn't want to go and I don't need to go. Then Cole chimes in with oh yes he was in the nurses again today as well. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! What in the heck is wrong with these kids..other than they have Nate and I's DNA. So, CJ apparently got the tire swing swung into her face(and she has the nickname Wild thing for her tire swing antics) and it made her forehead bleed and the recess aide told her she needed to go to the nurse. CJ knowing full well if she goes to the nurse she could be severely punished by her parents. CJ was trying her best to wipe the blood off her head and say how she was fine and didn't need the nurse at all. Well the aide wasn't having it and forced her to go. So, Cole...he plays football everyday on the wonderful CONCRETE at school. Genius eh? He gets banged up everyday..a few times coming home saying he thinks he was knocked unconscious?? WHAT???? Well this day he went to intercept a pass (because he is the schools #1 interceptor or whatever because he has no care for his flesh and flails and dives his face into concrete) and he said his face hit the concrete and then slid on it a bit.. oh so that's why he has a big scuz mark on his face today.
Come to find out..the wonderful recess aide sent my son to the nurse as well...I am at the point where I am punishing for injuries!!!!!!! How can this be.. HOW CAN THIS BE??? Let's hope those Angels keep working hard, OT and 24/7 because without them, these two Fischer kids will either be kicked out of school, taking away by CPS or grounded until they can stop hurting themselves everyday...Thank you Angels for hanging in there.

Being uncomfortable has to be right sometimes..

Last week I went and met with one of the organizations I am planning on doing some volunteer work for.. I took Kendal with me and we headed to downtown KC. We drove into a pretty non-gorgeous area of town and parked the car and headed on in. Upon walking in, I immediately just felt weird. I was so mad at myself for feeling weird.. I know AIDS isn't the most comfortable of situations but I was thinking I was such a loser for suddenly sketchin inside. The man at the front desk took one look at Kendal and I and he didn't look thrilled. I knew why...here we were smiling coming in, looking so middle class up in the ghetto and we were probably people that went to church and had our opinions..ect..ect.. All those thoughts were going through my head while he was looking at us while finishing up his conversation on the phone. Here we are..Kendal and I standing here to abolish all the AIDS up in the KC. He hung up the phone and asked why we were there. He said it in a prettier voice than I have(not trying to be mean here, it was a fact!!). Okay.. I am getting the picture of the scene I am walking into. Two other men are walking around the building and working and they glance at us and manage to smile a little at us. I am still spinning inside pretty terribly! Why am I being such a freak?? He asks us to wait in the waiting room where there are a few people seated. I can tell they are poor and they just looked so sad and defeated. One man looked really thin and sick and I just felt so sad and weird and I didn't know if I should smile or look sad or what in the heck I was suppose to be acting like. This was all very out of my normal reactions. But as Kendal and I waited there for about 20 minutes to see the volunteer coordinator I just kept thinking and feeling like more of an idiot as the time went on. I didn't want to catch anyone's eye contact because I didn't want me to make them uncomfortable. I didn't want to be that freaky person who looks like she is sketching around all the people infected with AIDS. EW, EW, EW.. I was being that person. I was so disappointed at how I was reacting..
The coordinator came out to take us to her office and she was beautiful and lovely and looked really tired. We sat down and she started to talk and seriously I think I only heard a few words because I was so trying to concentrate on NOT BEING A FREAK!!!!!!!! She started asking me why I wanted to do this.........Wow..... I didn't know what to say....I didn't want to sound like I was trying to be some hero...I didn't want to say God told me to do it because I'm not sure if He did.... So I ended up saying.. I DON'T KNOW? Hmmm that was awesome, right?? She looked at me like.. okay.. umm?? It was weird..I was such a SPAZ and I was hating myself even more.
I started to talk and I don't even know what I said at first... I think I talked about kids or helping or something lame I'm sure.. I just stopped and I said.. Okay.. please tell me what you're looking for in volunteers and tell me about AIDS. She looked at my face for a while, it was hard for her to answer this. She sighed and said.. you know, this has got to be a safe place. The people that come here need to know that their needs will be taken care of, regardless of who they are and what got them into this place to begin with... Most of them have been ostracized from their friends and families because of their disease and some of them because of their sexual orientation and I can't and I won't have someone in here judging them. I need people to be here to love them and to speak to them. We are the only people who speak to some of these people, we've become their support and their family and friends....I just sat there and was amazed. I told her that I totally understand and respect what she just said. She knew I was a straight, Christian woman(you have to state your faith and orientation on a form) and she was speaking 100% into my freaky spazzy heart at that moment...I almost seriously cried right there. I took all the information and told her I would read it and get back to her soon... As I was driving home, I cried and cried...I asked God if I could love people on their terms but His way? I thanked Him, for me being uncomfortable because it felt so good in the sense that I just exposed something about my heart that I didn't know was there. I really thought I could easily love people with AIDS and I could love homosexuals, no problem.. I was so wrong about myself... I think I can love people but maybe it is going to be hard sometimes...I might spaz lots and think am I should just be telling them all about Jesus..I now think that these people know ABOUT Jesus and met lots of us that think we know about Him too.. they've heard lots of preaching and as soon as they saw my face I knew how that must have went... Could I just love them for them? Just be there to talk and let them feel safe? Jesus always finds a way..even through lunatic spazzing women. Maybe my actions will be louder than any words I can say.. I guess, we'll see.

Spring school performance night!

Nathan had to leave for a last minute business meeting on Sunday and this is just the perfect week for him to be gone... Monday and Tuesday night we had spring performance nights at pre-school. Which means there is the potential for it to have been total and complete MADNESS..not only was it beach-themed and that all the kids are wearing sunglasses(dropping and losing them every second),carrying beach towels to trip them onto the other children(which happened of course on the podium, sending the entire audience into UHHHHHHHH) but all the kids from morning/afternoon classes are there with loads and I mean loads of parents,grandparents, neighbors and maybe even a few pets, I don't know. I do know that people out here are all about pre-school, all about their kids performances. It was packed the heck out!!! So..Monday I have to take my children along with me. Kendal's class was going to be Tuesday night so that means all three were going to be together the whole time with no adults and in an audience of madness. I was terrified they'd be talking(kendal) or standing up, getting in everyone's filming or picture taking way and who knows what else. I of course THREATENED and THREATENED and THREATENED some more... You may die if you do something wrong, I may drop you off at the foster home, not sure but I May...Well that worked because they did awesome..Cole of course read the entire time, through the entire thing. The girls sang along and I didn't hear fighting or hear Kendal..whew! Night one down...So, I take my kids out to a late dinner at fancy subway(they seriously can't get enough of it, so much so that I am like..can we go to McDONALDS, PLEASE!!) and tell them I am so proud and that teachers and parents came up to me to tell me how well behaved they were...They were beaming with joy! Okay...so maybe I fluffed their little heads up? I should have THREATENED more until Tuesday night was over probably. Last night Kendal would be with her class so I only had to worry about the other two. Cole would be reading his next 400 page novel (surely he finished the other one the night before) and CJ would take pictures for me... No Kendal talking loud enough for Nate to hear in Oklahoma, all should be good! Well, well, well...I knew I was in trouble when I got there and CJ's twin friends were there this night. I went into panic..their Mom is a teacher at the school, so they would be unattended too as well. I find seats in the front row reserved for our families and I sit my two kids down and I tell them, DO NOT GET UP, DO NOT MAKE NOISE, HOLD YOUR BREATH UNTIL YOU ALMOST PASS OUT, get the picture... I leave to get my school kids and the performance starts..I get to the front of the stage and I see CJ, Cole and the TWINS now sitting together. Oh no, I think... okay, Cole reading, good..CJ taking pictures of her and her friends faces..bad, bad, bad..this is going to be bad and I just feel it.
There are lots of classes coming up and off the stage, lots of singing and just lots of stuff going on... I am sitting on one side of the front where I can see Cole and CJ(I'm on the floor with approx. 16 3-4 yr olds)and please tell me why I see CJ standing up taking pictures. Right in the dang front, standing there taking pictures of the stage(Kendal isn't even up there YET) Omg..I am dying already...A little later Kendal is sitting in the row behind her and the twins now have my camera and are standing up and taking pictures of Kendal, SMILE KENDAL, KENDAL SMILE..oh yes I can hear it on the other side of the room...right there..in front, totally blocking everyone's view... Okay Kendal is coming up on the stage next and she happens to be placed closer to where I'm at(and just understand how NO ONE can hear their kids sing over Kendal, it was Kendal solo night for the brown room)...Oh no I think... that means one of the girls will be trying to get over here to take pics.. Oh yes I turn to my left to see ALL THREE GIRLS walking in FRONT(well ducking about 1/2 inch, how considerate of them) of the stage with the camera giggling trying to take walking pictures of Kendal until they get to me...They didn't get close enough to me so that I could PINCH anyone..dang it! I wasn't even able to get CJ's eye attention to DEATH RAY GLARE HER! Is this dang thing over yet? So a little more performance goes on and the next thing I see is all three girls again..the twins are both dragging CJ to me saying, SHE HAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. I am shhhhh'ing them and saying, go, go, be quiet and get out of here!!! Okay this is so in the front and everyone can see the ridiculous 8 yr olds... It's almost the end..please hurry!!! Before the last song, the girls decide to walk down the center isle(then duck approx. 1/2 inch) when they walk yet again in the front of the stage, looking for somewhere to sit up with all of us. The twins Mom was up there too, so they of course assumed they could be wherever they wanted as well. I grab CJ's arm on her way by me really, really hard..She looks at me like.. Oh NO...Oh yes I was thinking in my head, you are dead meat... The last song is ready and that's where every class goes up and every staff member too. We all do a wonderful and exciting compilation of the chicken dance, itsy bitsy, head shoulders knees and toes, into a faster chicken dance.. it's way over the top thrilling! I am getting all my school kids in order when my son is now standing on stage, with me yelling..MOM, MOM, MOMMMMMMMM!!! I look at him and he is panicked, holding his book and saying, I've lost my sisters, I don't know where my SISTERS ARE!! Can someone please just stab me..please just stab me right now! I look at him with a blank stare and he just knows, oh no.. oh yes I think.. oh yes.. you will DIE TONIGHT!!!!!!! The performance ends, I round up all my children away from the cookies, try to laugh at how everyone is telling me about people hearing Kendal from down the street and I am just thinking about how this is to be my kids last cookies, ever...The car ride home..... Cole knows...he just knows by the silence of me that it's bad. He says.. Mom, I was reading my book the whole time and when I looked up CJ was gone and I didn't see Kendal. I say, Cole, KENDAL WAS UP ON THE STAGE SINGING and your other sister was trying out for girls gone wild. He then says, oh yeah the teachers were telling them to be quiet the whole time. Ummm, what?? So not only was CJ being a ridiculous picture and video ruiner but school teachers were shhh'in her on the other side??? OH H-E double hockey sticks NO!! Her face has fear on it...total and complete fear. Her defense starts with, THEY wouldn't leave me alone! THEY kept talking to ME, dragging me around everywhere, they took your camera and so on and so on.. Okay.. so I do know that the twins drag her around all the time normally and she definitely doesn't make the best choices with them around but I am so not feeling this Poor Victim CJ thing... so, CJ is on MAJOR punishment needless to say and to make it worse, I just told her that it's coming and it's BADDDD.. Kendal and I even went to Arby's for dinner just to make things worse for the older two(Cole and CJ think Arby's is like dog food or something and would rather starve than eat there) and ate our curly fries and ham sandwiches with the happiest of smiles on. So...yes night two was not one of the fischer's better nights... Well, tonight the kids have Awana and wouldn't ya know it's PET NIGHT!! They get to bring a pet for the wonderful pet parade(parents required to stay)So, umm, I am suppose to bring two dogs, and three kids for the stinkin pet parade alone now??? I know I'll make it through tonight, I can't promise all three kids or dogs will......
I did get a text from Nate this morning and it said.. You are the most amazing wife and mother, I love you and I owe you for these last few days.. I'll make it up to you..thanks so much.
He knew that's what I needed to hear and quite honestly he wants to make sure none of the wrath comes down on him upon his return.. smart, smart man......
Okay, so can it be worse than last night?? Let's hope for the fischer kids survival that it is not...

Sunscreen?? What?

This winter has been soooooooo long. Most people are probably well into spring and just about summer. Not us...winter decided to park it's coldness here in Missouri and not move F-O-R-E-V-E-R(in classic sandlot sound) but beloved spring has finally become victorious!! This weekend we had soccer games on Sat/Sunday. Well it was in the H-O-T 70's this entire weekend and sunny..so, I didn't even think about sunscreen..hello, it's only the 70's and hello isn't it still winter?? Well..after a long day at the fields we got home and I took a good look at my kids and well..... my poor girls looked like serious tomatoes!!! In pain immediately..their faces, their necks, a spot on the back of the legs where shin guards and shorts don't meet(well not Kendal, you can't see her legs)and arms, hands..OUCH! I felt so terrible..they got in the shower and when they came out, you know they were looking even worse.. Kendal is not the pain tolerance kind of girl. She loves to cry, it's one of her favorite things to do..so with her natural state of whine plus the sunburn drama, I think I had a good 4 hours of ear pain last night before I could sentence her to bed. CJ kept saying.."my face is burning up, my face BURNING UP, MY FACE IS ON FIRE!!!!!!!!" And laughing the whole time... Nate left last night for Oklahoma city for a few days looking just as bad, possibly even worse(he shaved his head in the morning to get it even more ready for the sun to tear it up)than the girls. Surely he'll make quite the impression at the meeting...
Cole pretty much lucked out...he isn't as fair as the girls so he got a tiny burn on his nose and was a good actor with it this morning when I told CJ she had to stay home from school. You'd have thought his nose was literally about to fall off. I told him he should try out for the school play or something, he might get applause or his name in the program for his good performances.. but unfortunately I am not clapping, so off to the bus you go...
CJ is mad and wants to go to school with her tomato face, Kendal looked in the mirror this morning and while crying..told me that her face is," GOING TO BE RED FOR 12 WEEKS!! " Now that seems a bit excessive, so I told her that probably only 5-6 weeks max.
Yaaaa, so good start to this week..I have two nights of spring performances at Pre-School I am working tonight/tomorrow. I'll have to bring the rotten tomatoes and tell them to sit somewhere and not cry...Can't hardly wait for all of this fun...

Volunteering dreams may be coming true~

I have been wanting to volunteer somewhere for such a long time. I really just wanted God to find me a group of people or a place and then have them ask me. I figured that way God would chose and He chooses the best and it would all be awesome. Well, that never happened. Weird, right? Ya... so I finally figured out that I was going to have to go after this and God would work it out that way. The past few months I've been looking for the place or places. I haven't found anything that just made my heart YELL, YES YES YES until now! I am going to meet with both organizations next week and I am so excited. One organization deals with kids that are HIV positive. The other organization supports women and children recovering from sexual assaults. So who knows.. maybe both? Maybe one? Maybe neither...? Can't wait to see what happens...

My crazy, wonderful kids

I think my kids are the funniest people on earth.. I wanted to share this story that I found out a few days ago because it made me laugh and think that this is what happens when a crazy person raises children....

Cole and CJ came home from school and I asked, "How was your Day?" They responded with,"great, fine, good." you know the usual kid responses. Later on in the night we were sitting on the couch and I overheard them talking about something on the bus.. I perked up immediately and said,"excuse me, what are you guys talking about??" Cole says this..,"well there's this third grader who sits behind me on the bus and he is really annoying." I say, "ok and what does that mean?" because if you don't ask questions, kids will be done telling the story at that point, like , what? that was a pretty good story they just told..they said more than one word,ya know? Cole then says,"well he's really mean and just annoys everyone and last week he grabbed my head and smashed it into the seat really hard." Okay...so.. Cole is a 4th grader and CJ is a 2nd grader and this mean bus kid is in 3rd grade. I said," Well what did you do?" He says.."nothin"...hmmm.... my son. He is such a neat little guy. He will defend anyone and stand up for injustices and fight the good fight..he's just not real good at defending himself. So then I say, "Ok well what happened today on the bus, what were you guys talking about that happened today?" So they both look at me with huge eyes and with these smiles like it was good.. the kind of good where you don't really want to tell your parents but that it was so good you can't hide your smiles good. CJ says," well today that guy was grabbing Cole's head again and I saw him and I told Cole to move seats, I told him(mean bus boy)he better leave my brother alone... then I moved into Cole's seat and... well I grabbed his head and smashed it into the bus window!" Cole chimes in.."YEAH I TURNED AROUND AND I SEE CJ GRABBING HIS FACE AND BANGING IT INTO THE WINDOW AND IT MADE A LOUD SOUND!!" I am sitting here looking at them with very big parent eyes at this point(honestly not shocked hearing this about my daughter who is very much like me sometimes) and looking at them, look at each other smiling about their victory! I said, "CJ, what in the heck happened next? What did the kid do to you?" She says, " Well he sat there and said, that didn't hurt that bad you know!" Cole said,"after that all I saw was CJ going crazy on the kid!!!" Apparently CJ was going to make sure it did hurt BAD so he wouldn't mess with Cole again and so she starting smacking him around pretty good!!! Cole all the time watching and thinking GO CJ in his head....

Well, what can I say???I love that they look out for each other...I love that she took ACTION even if it wasn't the BEST choice to go smackin that mean bus boy around. They could have talked to him again and said please stop..again. But CJ handled it, her way.

So, luckily for Cole...God made a CJ and he made her his sister..she'll be able to defend him, for now...until he takes up that cause himself.