God the beginning and God the end

I read this in the morning and It just made me cry. It's good to be reminded about how incredibly Large and out of this world God is. It is also good to be reminded how even when we think we are so smart that we truly have no wisdom unless God has Himself revealed it to us. And it's not even our wisdom we have acquired because all wisdom is His as is every good thing and good part. All knowledge belongs to Him and we are- only because of Him. Thought I would share this little part........






God is always first, and God will surely be last. To say this is not to draw God downward into the stream of time and involve Him in the flux and flow of the world. He stands above His own creation and outside of time, but for the convenience of His creatures, who are children of time, He makes free use of time-words when referring to Himself. So He says that He is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, the first and the last.



Man in the plan of God has been granted considerable say, but never is he permitted to utter the first word nor the last. That is the prerogative of the Deity, and one which He will never surrender to His creatures.



Man has no say about the time or place of his birth, God determines that without consulting the man himself. One day the little man finds himself in consciousness and accepts the face that he is. There his volatile life begins. Before that he had nothing to say about anything. After that he struts and boasts and utters his defiant proclamations about individual freedom, and encouraged by the sound of his own voice he may declare his Independence of God and call himself an "atheist" or an "agnostic." Have your fun, little man, you are only chattering in the interim between first and last, you had no voice at the first and you will have none at the last. God reserves the right to take up at the last, where He began at the first, and you are in the hands of a God whether you will or not.



This knowledge should humble us and encourage us, too. It should humble us when we remember how frail we are, how utterly dependent on God, and it should encourage us to know that when everything else has passed we may still have God no less surely than before.....



(From- The Root of Righteousness by A.W. Tozer)

Life has been so insanely busy lately but nothing to complain about, just is what it is. Looks like the CA deal for opening the restaurants is not going to be happening. Well at least any time soon. Nate and I have been PRAYING and looking at all sorts of fun places to go live. Africa, Hawaii, Washington and Oregon..applying for jobs and missionary positions to see what pops up. Not much had been popping up. We have been so confused the last few years...Thinking we were moving now 2 times and then not moving, yet really being happy here and not really wanting to leave. I've been laughing most days, tired some, at the zero funds emotional tank others. So confused yet so totally in the knowledge that we are right where we are suppose to be. Even if the next step isn't in clear sight. We started looking around here for houses and property. Thinking that if we do stay here that we would love to leave the city and try something rural! Why not? We found a pretty great place...It's on 1.5-2 acres and has a private lake in the backyard that 3 other homes share. It's 4000 sq feet and when fixed up would just be the most beautiful place to live...So we put an offer in and it was accepted! We find out Friday after the inspection if there is something major going on with it that would change our minds. It's a for-closure but not really old so maybe everything still works. So we'll know more on Friday and we are really surprised and excited that this might be the plan and that God would be bringing us to a smaller town and have me live amongst more bugs, mice and Lord knows what else. We are trying to get this all figured out and 100 other things the next few weeks. If we get the house we'll close the day Cole and I get back from Africa. Spring is just around the corner and that means Life picks up again quite a bit. I am looking forward to this next Season of weather and adventure!

Facing the reality of the longings in your soul is quite fascinating...knowing that desires have been with you as long as you can remember back as if they were formed into your fabric...unable to see the picture of what it looks like in full yet being at peace with knowing that the God that made you sees the deepest parts because it's He who put them there in the beginning...Overwhelmed with being loved so much He had to create Me...to have me, to look at me, to smile upon me...All this causes me to weep and giggle and throw my hands up and reach out my hands to My love, My Lord, My Reason..... I am in love with Him and I know that He will make the deep parts come to be, as long as I keep my hands up, my eyes wet and my heart giggly....

I hope you are in Love and Overwhelmed by it....There is a God who created you, had to have you and smiles at the very thought of you.

Be Blessed...

"A loving heart is the truest wisdom"

-Charles Dickens

4 weeks!!!

I can't believe I have 4 weeks until AFRICA..... But what I do believe is, the yellow fever would be a hideous thing to have. After getting the shot last Monday Cole and I have been tore up all week. Still not really over it. Fevers, stomach sick, extremely tired and other lovely things happening to our bodies. The full on YF has to be horrendous. Cole said he was falling asleep in class on Friday. This is the child who would never sleep if he had the chance and party till the break of dawn, ya'll. I knew it had to be hitting him bad. So we should be good any day now.... I am on countdown and crazy excited!

Mercy and Red Velvet Cake

Last night was a pretty cool moment between my son and I. Nate and I were craving some sweets and we decided to make a cake. I usually have brownies or ice cream on constant supply but this time I had cake! We have this rule about eating(for our kids) that if they choose not to finish eating at meal times(we have to give them a half hour time limit too or they could sit for HOURS TALKING and never eating) then it's OK, they just don't get snacks or dessert. This keeps us not fighting over food and makes them choose whether or not they go hungry. Last night Cole was super chatty boy and didn't finish his dinner in time. He was literally like two bites away and Nate made the call and told him, sorry son. Cole was pretty bummed..."Dad, I only had two bites left!" Dad," Cole we gave you extra time and you were goofing around. Love ya too much to argue about it!" The end... It was around 9:45pm when Nate and I got around to frosting the cake. Nate went to see if Cole was asleep(we also have this close the house rule/you choose if you want to stay up reading rule...sounds like we have a lot of rules...haha but we don't run a boot camp!)and to turn out his light for him because he usually falls asleep reading. Cole was up and I called him into the kitchen. It was just him and I.. I was frosting the cake and had a big spoon of frosting for him. He looked at me, " Mom no, I didn't finish my dinner." Me, "yeah I know" I held the frosting up still. Cole," Mom really it's OK, I don't deserve it, I didn't finish, it's really OK." Me," Cole we all don't deserve lots of things in life. God chooses mercy over and over and I love you so much and I am choosing mercy and I want you to have some cake tonight." Cole just looked at me and his eyes watered all up and he just hugged me and thanked me from his heart and it hit somewhere deep in him. Oh MAN! I didn't see it playing out like that when I called him in to give him some frosting. It's crazy how God can teach you about how incredible He is in the big ways and in the simplest....and last night it was in a piece of red velvet cake.

CJ's under control sheet

CJ is like me in a lot of ways. We are external beings. We are passionate in demonstrating our love and passionate in demonstrating our anger. I've come to learn that it's pointless to tell someone like me and CJ to not get mad and want to do something about it. It's like telling a mute to stop being silent. Not going to happen! Instead, seeing that I have produced a child that functions in ways that are similar to myself I've figured that instead of telling her not to get mad, Nate and I try to give her ideas on how to manage the madness. Instead of punching your sister Kendall in the face, you can walk away to your room and punch your webkinz or yell a bit or write out your angers(which she is pretty dang good at and I'm convinced she is going to write a tell all on our insane family some day) but do something other than attack someone. CJ always feels bad right after she gets mad. She is the quickest to forgive and the quickest to ask for forgiveness. She can get angry and be is diffused and over it, in a minute. She isn't a loaded gun either. She doesn't get mad all the time or about everything but when she gets mad, the other kids best look out. External processors(thanks Marie for the name and explanation) like us just need outlets because we don't go internal with our anger..It takes time for us to think about why we want to punch something so instead we just would rather kick a hole in the door and be over it.

Nate asked her if she wanted to keep a sheet that she could write how she was feeling about what was going on with her and things she wanted to work on or things she was proud of, in regards to her emotions. I took a picture of it, it's a little hard to read so here's what it says.

CJ's under control sheet!

Today I did not yell at Kendall

Today I tried to make Kendall stop yelling

Today I did not yell at Kendall

Today I made Kendall feel better

Today I kissed Kendall's Boo Boo

Tucked Kendall in

Played outside with Kendall

I did not get mad

I cleaned our room together

I hugged her because shes my sister

I think most of her drama is with Kendall??! Those two are as opposite as they come. haha Oh man this parenting stuff is insane.

Kendall-"Mama, do you know what I want to be when I grow up?" Me-" Yes baby, you want to be a chef!" Kendall- " I do, but there are more things that I want to be too." Me-"wow, more things than a chef, tell me." Kendall-" Ohhhhhkay, a chef, a vet and a super spy!" Me-" You want to be all those things at once? Wow, do you know what a super spy does?" Kendall- "they spy on bad people and call the police to take them to jail" Me-" if your spying on bad people that means your probably in some not safe areas and around some dangerous kind of people. Do you think that's something you want to do?" Kendall-" Oh no, I don't ever want to be a super spy, forget that."

A few minutes pass by....

"Mama, do you know what I want to be when I grow up? Me-" a chef, and a vet" Kendall- "yes but now I want to be a chef, a vet and a Super MODEL!" Me-" What?? A Supermodel! What do they do?" Then she proceeded to prance around walking and flicking her hair everywhere. Nate walks in.. Me-"Kendall wants to be a supermodel and she is practicing." Nate,"KENDALL! You aren't going to be a supermodel! I don't want you walking around flipping your hair and shaking your hips being all silly!" Kendall-"DADDY! But I'm just going to do this." Then she walks around again and flips her hair a bit laughing wildly. Nate-"Um, nope" Kendall- " But I will make clothes designs and wear them to take pictures in!" Nate-" Nope, I like the chef idea" Kendall-"Okay Daddy I'll be a chef, a vet and I will think of something else.......later"

My Friends

My senior "gym" friends are becoming my most favorite people in the world! I seriously look forward to going to the gym in the morning because I know my friends will be there. While I'm there I think I only get about 10 minutes of a physical workout. Instead I am just really enjoying spending time with them. I have heard so many stories and the more I hear the more I am in love. I have one friend who loves to tell me stories about his time in World War II. Stories about losing friends, traveling the world, finding his wife and all about how he learned to play the bagpipes. He is the grand marshall I should have you know.. in the KC St. Patty's Day Parade every year. I was on the phone with my friend Jen one time at the gym and she got to have the experience of hearing lots of my friends. They would come up to me and start talking and then ask who I was on the phone with. Then ask Jen questions through me. Still to this day my friends ask about my friend in CA and if she is doing good and going to visit soon!! haha They love to make dollar bets with me, they love to tell me about women and how a good woman should know how to cook a good gravy and they worry that I am sick if I haven't gone for a few days. They are sweet and wonderful and I could truly hang out with them all day!!