How is it already December...

I am really enjoying tonight...It's Sunday night and the house is totally quiet. Nate and Cole will be gone for the next 4 hours and the girls are playing their Nintendo's on their beds so silently. I started a fire...yes because I am a master fire starter now. The Christmas tree is lit and beautiful. I can see all the lights in the backyard. Nate put up pretty blue lights all around the tall trees that surround our backyard deck and it's just dreamy. I am having coffee(iced..even in the cold)and under a blanket and I thought this was a good time to write a little. I don't know how it got to be December but I guess that's how it goes. The fall transition into winter is just the best thing ever in my mind. I love the cold and I love hearing about the snow coming in a few days. I think my house is just warm and cozy and I love that we all like being together. Under blankets, next to fires and just telling stories, having snacks and with lots of laughs. We don't have it all together..that I am fully aware of. But one thing is...we do know how to laugh. I don't know if that's worth anything in the real world but I hope to teach my kids to not take themselves to seriously. To be able to find joy in life's journey. There's more I hope to teach them, of course. So I started back to work in October and that has been somethin else. I am working at a Skilled Nursing Facility in the business office. I get the privilege of interacting with the residents all day and the stories that have already come are out of this world. I am in LOVE! I love, love them so much I can hardly stand it. I think they are so sweet(most of them) so cute and I count it a total honor to be a part of the end of their days here on earth. I have always had a really soft spot for the elderly. It's been there as long as I can remember. So this..seems to be the right fit. It's a place that will never be just a job but a place to connect. It's good... Nate has been amazing and working on the house still. He is fixing everything like dishwashers and pipes and things I think we would officially need professionals for. The kids have all been doing well. I am truly enjoying them in their ages. Their personalities are funny and totally different from eachother. I can see Nate and I in them at places but I really SEE THEM.
Well I think I'll be done for now...I think I'll read and enjoy this warm silence..it's very rare these days.....

I am so so so blessed....I've had 7 YEARS!

My little love Miss Kendall turns 7 today....7 years ago this tiny beautiful baby was born and she looked perfect but I didn't know that she had a genetic metabolic disease until a few weeks later. It was an extremely long 5 months after that...It was like time stood still and I was living in a total fog. I was pretending to be a Mom to my other kids, a wife to Nate..but I was just going through motions. I was 100% focused 24/7 on my sick little baby and how we were going to live with this forever...I remember when I had resolved to be OK with it. I was walking around the hospital during one of her week long stays and I walked by these tiny kids being wheeled around in a cart with absolutely no hair and looking so tired and sick but smiling so big...I started crying, realizing that this was their life and why not me? I told God that I understand this happens and why not me? Did I think I was beyond pain, beyond challenges, beyond disappointments? Who did I think I was, really? People kept praying, asking God to heal her.. I appreciated the prayers yet I stopped praying myself for her healing.. I would just ask God..if you want to heal her, please do God. I don't EXPECT you to do it, in a demanding way..I would be grateful forever..but I will be grateful forever for her..even living with her sick...I had to be OK with it.. and manage and pull it together and jump in and learn about it and deal...5 months after she was born I got the call.. Nate and I were on our way to a cruise. We had bought it a long time ago for our anniversary and there were no refunds. It was a 3 day cruise off the coast and I didn't want to go. She wasn't in the hospital at that time but she had to be fed every two hours 24/7 and I was nervous to leave her. My Mom swore to take good care and I know that I needed a break. Spending the night in the hospital for nights and nights when she was there and just being up every 2 hours all day and night.. Yet I was terrified to leave... On our way to the cruise her Doctor called me.. She told me that all the latest tests came back negative.. her liver biopsy was fine and there was no evidence in her urine anymore..The doctor said.."I don't know what to say here... I could say there are just things we can't explain" Before the positive tests in her urine, all the specialists agreed that if you are not sick there is no way for it to be in your urine and she will always have it in her urine.... I started crying and crying and crying... The doctor said to enjoy my trip!!! They were going to run tests again when we got back to confirm...They did, they ran them again and everything came back Negative! It was hard to let go for the first year. I still got up every few hours to see if she was breathing..I watched her like a HAWK and I just prayed that if she was sick that God would keep me alert to the symptoms. After a bit.. we found out that her middle name JACE...means healing/healer. I had no idea what the name meant when we named her. I just loved the sound of it....So, my GOD stamped her name with healing before she was even born!!! This child has been such a gift. She is pure JOY! She is full full full of life, full of love and is so happy! She sings to her own melodies and surprises us all the time. I am still and will always be grateful to God for what He did... I didn't demand it, or walk around like I deserved it.. I asked and was OK either way. I still don't know if I handled it "right".. I handled it real and God did what He did...I will never forget and I will tell her the story over and over and over.. How God created her and made a promise to her, even before she was born. I am blessed on this day... September 17Th... I love you my precious, precious little Heart...

Here is a picture of her this morning.. walking down the street to the bus stop...Singing a song about turning 7 and making sure to keep 7 on her fingers at all time... : )

She CRAZY!

This is the face of one BAD CHICK! I mean bad in the good way of course....This child never seems to amaze me with how tough she is physically. She pulls out her own teeth when they aren't even very loose..because she was done with it and was getting it out. She is bruised up, scraped up, bleeding all the time and just rolls with it. But yesterday she seemed to top it tall...Nate took the kids to their dentist appointments, CJ needed a few old fillings removed and then fixed and then she needed a new filling in one spot. Well, she told the Dentist that she didn't want any numbing shots.... Umm, what? Yeah she just wanted to hold her Dad's hand and get it over with..!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! She did it... and he even cut her lip and there was blood everywhere and she was just like, oh it's okay! He gave her a bravery award ticket to go to Taco Bell..haha Please understand how if I was there I would have been pushing her to get some numbing shots..but her Dad was like.. oh ok, whatever you want. I don't know if cavities hurt or not, I was always numbed so maybe it wasn't to bad but She said it hurt for a while and she just got use to it.. CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this wild child....

Spanglish~

One of my favorite movies is Spanglish...I just love love love it. I watched it again this weekend and the relationship between the Mother(main character-housekeeper) and her daughter just gets me....There is a line at the end when her daughter is upset with her and she tells her Mom that she needs space.... Her mom comes running over with total authority and violates her personal space and says..."There is NO space between us!" Every time I cry....OYE... for so many reasons. A violent, passionate love that creates no space. (I'm not talking about free will or choice here) I can see myself yelling to my own daughter...There is NO space between us!! Out of a fierce affection..not domination..not controlling..not manipulative.....just pure violent affection. The kind that creates no space...the kind God created for Him and us. So crazy.......Sigh..I Love love that line and plan to pocket it and use it any time needed in the future. Western mindset or not., my Goal is that there will be NO SPACE between my family and I.. there will be NO SPACE between my God and I will(hopefully)Fight to keep it so......

Lately....

Kids are back in school and Cole is seriously AGAINST middle school for 6th graders. CJ and Kendall come home everyday with virtually no homework..while Cole, well.. he has pages and pages. Things have been mellow...Nate and I are still working on the house every week and we've made some pretty good progress!

Cole broke his wrist and he was such a champ about it. We spent all day together traveling from office to office and we laughed all day and had the best time. He is a pretty cool guy and so fun to hang with. Even with his whacked out wrist he was in the best mood. So his activities are put on hold for a while.

Nate and I are headed to Vegas in two weeks for a WHOLE WEEK! Well more like 5 days but..yes! His work conference is there and I am tagging along. My parents are watching the kids and I am TOTALLY looking forward to hanging with my Man alone for a bit.

I had a pretty crazy thing happen a few nights ago...I was driving home late at night, alone and I was on a highway(speed limit 55) that is off the busy path and it's kind of like a side road really. One lane each way and in the middle of no where. I came around a curve and saw a big truck ahead coming the other way. The truck got into my lane and was coming at me head-on. All I could see was lights and I honked my horn a few times and then when the lights were almost at me I turned the car real fast..my front tires went off into the embankment and then I swerved back and my car did a 360 and kept going off into the other side of the road into the ditch. I just missed a huge sign pole by 2-3 inches...I have never had something like this happen to me. I remember when I was going into the ditch, saying out loud.."This is it". It all happened so fast and when it was over I sat in the ditch just shaking and crying for about 5 minutes. I am not the flustered, shaky, crying type..this really did a number on me. It took about 5 minutes going back and forth in the ditch to get my car loose and I called Nate and Thanked God I was able to be driving home....The car that ran me off, never came back to see if I had flipped or was OK.....sad. I lost the entire nights sleep..thinking about the what if's. Not a good way to spend the night. I shook that off and am so happy I have another day!!! God was watching and keeping me alert and the angels were on duty....

Here's to a great week.. CHEERS!

If a picture could capture my feelings..this would be it

Dearest God....thank you for being my refuge.....

James James James.....

James: 1;27

Religion that God accepts as pure and without fault is this: caring for orphans or widows who need help, and keeping yourself free from the world's evil influence.......


I've been in James and unable to get out!!! 5 chapters... I am hoping to plan a crop of "right-living".....

ACTION ACTION ACTION ACTION ACTION...DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO

A serious Blog neglector

Wow so I've been neglecting my blog in a serious way. I haven't been neglecting life so much though. BUSY!!!!!!!! But then not busy at the same time. Having all the kids home all day feels busy but we have lots of chill time together. Nate and I have been working on the house lots and running ideas by each other and looking at stores and I've been on design sites lots. It's been awesome finding all the cool stuff out there people are doing to their houses. We have lots of yard and house to fix up so it's going to take T-I-M-E....we are loving this and doing it ourselves feels pretty good.

I am STILL reading history books about women and women of achievement...it's kind of a weird obsession that hasn't died off. I AM CRAZY about women. I am bummed about where we seem to be these days though...hmmm..maybe more on this later.

Nate and I are taking the kids to Washington next week to see Nate's Mom and his sister Jenn and her family. My kids need to see some of their cousins from this side of the family. Seems we only get them together during sad times. It is worth the money to make memories...

After that the kids and I are heading to Cali to see my family and friends for two weeks. It will feel hard to leave my house thinking of the projects I could be doing...I need to settle down home project madness of the mind...

I just celebrated my 32 birthday. I love getting older and the age thing doesn't bother me at all. I love the 30's so much. Nate was very sweet to me. He surprised me and planned for him and I to have the whole night alone. It was wonderful and much needed. The hotel was so nice and dinner was great. Good conversation, laughing and lots and lots of food...

I can hear the tile saw still going...time for me to do some more READING..

Oh man...

Okay so...Twilight. I have to say that I didn't get it. I was so annoyed by hearing about Twilight every 5 minutes, Seeing them on TV, hearing and hearing about teenage girls going to watch this 4-5 times when it came out. There was absolutely no part of me buying into this madness. It didn't draw me in at all in the previews. Vampires?? Nah..not into it. It wasn't until coming home from South Africa to London did I discover my inner teenager crying out in delight. I had decided to watch some movies for the 11 hour ride. I hadn't watched any movies on the way out and so as I flipped through the choices I passed right by twilight. I started with the Reader...OK just a little too much nakedness for my liking. Then Doubt..liked this one. Then I thought, whatever I'll watch Twilight and see what the heck this thing is really about. I figured if it was too lame I would quit it and eat some delicious airplane food instead. Ummm...okay so it took about 10 minutes or however long for me to get not only sucked in but LOVING EVERY MINUTE of this movie! Hello Edward Cullen, why do you exist??!! haha Anyway, so now I am finally able to start the books and surely I will blow through all of them like an obsessive lunatic. Like a Jr. High girl flipping through Teen Beat magazine looking for NKOTB posters. Hideous!! But it's true..I can't deny the Twilight power anymore...

Last night's Kindergarten graduation was OUT OF CONTROL! I guess when you have all the Kindergartners in the whole town attending the same school and you are a small town, you can GO NUTS! The graduation was at the High School and it was PACKED OUT!! I knew Kendall would be in a cap with a tassel(because I paid for the tassel before) but I had no idea my baby would be in a gown looking just like she will look in the year 2021...Even the tiny gown was so big on her and she looked so cute I could hardly stand it! We had the graduation official music playing, guest speakers...Nate and I were like.."woah". Getting out of the parking lot felt like a HS graduation too, awesome. On the way home Kendall tells me..." Emma thinks you are cute!" then Kendall laughs a lot. I say," well why is that so funny, do you think I'm not cute or something?" Kendall laughs some more.."NOOOOO I think YOU'RE SO CUTE but I don't know if anyone else thinks your cute, so when she told me that I just laughed." That's when it hit me that maybe kids think about us, how we think about them? We think our kids are ADORABLE and SO CUTE but we really don't know or care if anyone else does! She was telling me the same thing..haha We took her to the store to pick out a cake and we gave her a present and a card. She asked Nate to read it to her while she was eating her cake and he went through and read what Cole wrote, then CJ, then himself and then when he got to mine he got through the first sentence and she burst into uncontrollable tears! She was so overwhelmed she just got up and came running to me and said she really needed a hug! She said she was happy about the nice things we all said but as soon as I told her that she was my heart, she couldn't take it anymore! She held and re-read the card and cried and cried for the next half hour. It was very sweet.... CJ even wrote in the card and said.....congrats Kendall..you aren't a big baby anymore!!! Siblings...they keep it real.

Kendall Jace

Here is my last baby...Kendall Jace. What a way to end the children making in our family! She is quite the finale. Tonight she graduates Kindergarten.... There isn't a day that goes by that I don't catch myself staring at her and smiling. God made her wonderfully and I get to love her, forever. She is overflowing with the funniest personality. I sneak into her bedroom at night and just play with her hair..kiss her cheeks rather hard(I can't get enough of her face!)and then sometimes I'll get lucky and she'll wake up, throw her arms around me and fall back asleep. Can't wait to see her in her tiny cap tonight. Joy and sadness..hand in hand, the duo of our lives.

Life....be in the moment.

Camping...yes I can!

We had the best weekend. We took the kids camping with two of my girlfriends and their families. We had loads of ticks, fun, laughter and snacks! I had the privilege of being in the car and witnessing first hand what driving into and over a giant running wild turkey feels like and looks like(my friend Lisa did it, not me, ya'll!) and it wasn't pretty! haha I have never seen ticks like I saw them this weekend. I was the biggest cry-baby of the bunch, wearing jeans and spraying deet on me from hair to tennis shoe, trying to stay under a tarp(so they didn't fall on me from the trees)and keeping an eye 24/7 on my skin. The spray kept them from attaching to the kids(only a few bit them) who were wildly running through the forest and having the best time. I am so thankful God had me work with these two ladies at the preschool and get to know them and become friends with them. They are such great friends, Mom's and women. Nate had the best time hanging with their men. They are such good guys who had me laughing every second. The memory of having the bed of our truck filled with kids on the way back from the Lake, singing loudly and wildly, laughing and smiling was a good one and makes the bad bug situation totally worth it. And the little girls filling up used water bottles with faucet water and setting up shop on the street to try to make a sale, hearing Kendall yell "WATER BOTTLES FOR SALE, $1.00, CHEAP!!" and then the girls decided they should maybe sell new water bottles instead. Then Kendall yelling... " NEW, NEVER OPENED WATER BOTTLES FOR SALE! $1.00, CHEAP!!!!" The last night the ranger came to tell us, in a scary ranger person voice to be quiet or she would kick us all out and we needed to keep our rotten kids quiet too!! It was such a good trip and my kids are already asking ......when can we go AGAIN??!?!?!

I looked over on the couch and I take a look at this...then another..just to make sure CJ hadn't pulled some harry potter move and wasn't really on the bus this morning. My kids...I laughed pretty good. They are always doing something weird and I am always amused!

Field trips are so painful!

I am not the kind of person that enjoys taking little children on field trips.. I have gone a few times because my children have begged and then that turned into me feeling guilty so I would say yes and then immediately be sad I said yes! I have offered them everything from paying them off..$10.00? Letting them stay home on field trip days..?? We'll play Wii... COME ON! When I moved CJ over to this new school she had a field trip sign up in the first week. She says.. "Mom, please come." I signed it..I felt sad about signing but wanted to do something nice since she was at a new school. Well I totally forgot about it and last night she was telling me all about what I need to do tomorrow for the field trip!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I tell her," let's stay home and go have lunch and party all day!" CJ, " no thanks, I'll do that on Wednesday though." Me, "nice try." CJ," Mama don't you LOVE ME, YOUR DAUGHTER!" Me, " hmmm..do I still have to go on the field trip if I say yes?" CJ," uh huh.." Me," Yes I love you...see how much I LOVE YOU, I like field trips as much as I'd like someone punching me straight in the face and yet I still put that aside to do something I don't like because I love you so much." CJ," MAMA! Thank you...okay so tomorrow..there are souvenirs and stuff...wink wink" So....off to the wonderful steamboat today. Why can't it ever be something like a food or candy factory.

When Girls play with Pugs....

Bosley is such a good sport! The girls put him in this beautiful outfit yesterday. Kendall is the one who usually tortures Bosley by putting blankets or outfits on him, singing to him, hand feeding him his dog food piece by piece, putting him on a lease to just walk him around the house...ect.ect.. Bosley just goes with it. He is happy to be with the kids and doesn't seem to bother him. If we could only see into THEIR MINDS!

This was a really great weekend.. First weekend with no soccer and we just worked on the house. Well except Saturday night we hit up a pizza place, partied at Walmart and had some late night DQ! Sunday Nate worked in the yard from 9am-8pm and only came in to grab waters and pizza. He had the older kids out raking leaves and helping him burn them in the fire pit. Kendall was so pumped to work outside until she saw a tick on her leg, screamed and smashed it off and then decided helping Mom inside is way more fun. There is still so much to do and we are really enjoying it. The kids had a great weekend hanging outside. Making clubhouses down by the water and Cole running through the yard with his BB gun pretending to be at war.

More painting on my agenda today...

Africa~ This will be LONG

Cole and I left for Africa 2 months ago...Crazy it's been that long. Life has been going full speed since then. I was thinking about Africa this morning. I walked the kids down the street to the bus and there was a smell in the air that put me right back. It was a good smell, maybe a flower scent. Most of the smells in Africa weren't good smells. Although one time when we were riding in the back of a Cami on the way to one of the bush villages we had a total downpour of rain. Complete hurricane style raining....everyone was completely drenched in seconds and laughing and singing. After the rain stopped the smell was so wonderful. Fresh and alive....how does something even smell alive? I don't know but it smelt like life... Cole and I went on the MOST amazing adventure. It was incredibly challenging and tough at times. God saw us through, kept us safe and allowed us to experience the fullness of each moment. From joy to pain, good times and the hard ones. It wasn't what I expected at all...it was more....

We had a real time getting there. Went from KC to NYC where we had to get to JFK from Long Island. We found the train and switched a couple of times with all of our heavy luggage(filled with food mostly) and made it to our destination. Then we headed off to London and spent a whole day exploring the city. That was one of the best days I have ever had. We had the best time..hopping on and off the Tube and visiting some of my most favorite places. Places I read about so often. It was such a good day. We headed off to South Africa and had a few hours there. Then off to Pemba, Mozambique. It had been three days of no sleep(for me) yet I felt very awake. Flying over Pemba was one of the most beautiful landings I have ever had. Landing in Hawaii is pretty sweet but this was more beautiful. The water and land were just breathtaking. Green and colorful. The airport was so, so tiny. The air was thick with moisture and it was incredibly hot. I've never felt weather like that before. We got our Visa's and were heading for the door...well until Cole's suitcase never arrived. It was missing. It had all his clothes, our shampoo stuff and food as well. We hoped it would arrive either before we left or it would get shipped back to the states and it wasn't lost for good. We got in the back of an army vehicle and headed through town. It was poor...trash all over the sides of the roads...people everywhere walking with no shoes and carrying things upon their heads. At the base we noticed it was surrounded by a large gate and security guards. There have been some issues with safety. We got checked into our room and Cole and I had twin beds in a room with sneaky bugs getting in. We had mosquito nets above our bed that were blue and some fans which because the power didn't go out while we were there(it does every couple weeks for days) we were able to have some hot air circulating a bit. It was better than hot standing still air. Our showers were filled with bugs, but we had showers! We had beds and toilets and showers! This would mean much more to us later in the week... We spent all day with the kids that day. It was Saturday so they had the day off. Cole made friends in the first minute of walking out of the visitor center. Swarmed with kids, hugging him and asking his name. Walking him around, showing him their home. I had kids on each side, snuggling close and my heart was full. This was and is my favorite thing to do. Look at a child and really see them.. hug them, hold them, hope in some way I can make them feel loved, wanted..important, that they matter. Having no personal space boundaries or issues are very important in a place like this!! The kids....(deep sigh) amazing. Smiles as far as you could see...hands reaching out just to touch some part of your skin. Cole was living like an African. No shoes, no clothes and no food....he was content and up for anything, except maybe the fish head.

We spent time in the baby's house, loving on them. They weren't like babies I had ever seen. They were all so quiet. Not a sound, except when they thought you were leaving they would whimper a bit. Other than that, they wanted to be in your arms, on your lap just...being. We met a baby who had just come the night before. Her mom had passed and she was orphaned. She was beautiful and I prayed over her while I held her in my arms. God had a purpose for this child. What a blessed child who is taken in and loved by this ministry. Big plans.....

Church with Heidi at the base. Out of this world...it felt more like church than any other church I have ever been too. Completely informal, full of people of all ages. Little flair but lots of spirit. The kids danced and sang, we worshipped and Heidi preached. But first it was testimony time. People talking about God healing them from extreme sickness. All of it just felt very old... like it would be how church was in our history books/bible..but how church still is for many around the world still. It was refreshing and simple. They didn't have to play simple, they just were. That's the difference.. Feels like we want to be simple here but we aren't simple so we look like phonies..ha ha Anyway, what do I know..clearly not enough.

Sunday's after church they feed the villagers that come for church...wonderful! Meeting physical needs..God doesn't forget that we need food/water to live here on earth. He provides for our flesh as well as our spirit! There were so many people. Visitors are suppose to go to the front of the line always. Cole and I looked at the line and the need and couldn't bring ourselves to walk in front of them. Not that we are saints or something, it just didn't feel right yet. I'm sure after living there a while it would feel more normal. We spent time with some kids and headed back to eat what he had in my suitcase..beef jerky and granola bars..yum yum. We got invited to a beach party that afternoon. They were saying goodbye to two IRIS girls who were going to the states for some school. This was an afternoon I will never forget. Cole's baptism... He wanted to be baptized in the Indian Ocean. He felt like God set it up for him personally. He wanted Heidi to do it.. I was sure that we could get him baptized..not sure if Heidi would even be at the base when we were there that week or that she could/would even have time to do that. Well Cole was right. God totally designed it and it was for sure in His will. Heidi was there and down the beach a ways. I told Cole if he wanted to ask her, this would be the ONLY time there was. He said, OK. and took off down the beach and took his destiny into his hands. He talked to Heidi and asked her and came running back and said.."SHE SAID YES!! AND BRING EVERYONE!" It was the coolest experience ever. The water was warm..the waves were strong and coming every few seconds. Heidi had Cole give a testimony...We all prayed over him. There was Portuguese, Makua, English and tongues happening. The Holy Spirit FELL and we were overwhelmed. She prophesied Eph. over Cole and said his nets would be FULL. She laid him back and prayed over him and let him rest in the water while he praised God. She had said...maybe God had me baptize you, so that I could baptize you a missionary. Cole told her that he wanted to be a missionary and have God take him all over the world. They were able to walk hand in hand on the beach and spend some time talking about all of it. She was amazing...Cole was blessed...I was in awe that God did this for him and it was more..just more that I imagined.

We visited the local hospital one day...wow. There were people laying all outside the hospital. All over the grass, on the pavement with their sick children or they themselves just being sick. The smell inside the hospitals were intense and the overwhelming need for prayer/help was evident. Cole and I went to pray for the babies. Most babies were sick with Malaria. The other visitors said most of the adults were sick with Malaria as well. The babies were miserable. We had a translator with us to ask if we could pray. This is a high Muslim area and we needed to ask permission. All the mom's said yes. They were tired and exhausted and worried. One baby had the malaria that spread to his brain and that was horrible to see. The baby's head just went from side to side and his little tongue hung out. Looked like a constant seizure. We laid hands on all of them and prayed for healing and for future's filled with hope, salvation and relationships with God. It was an important visit for Cole and I.

At the base, they not only take care of their kids but they take care of the village kids too. Everyday they feed about 700 kids lunch. Beans and rice for the masses.... All the kids line up at a gate and the guards open it and they all come RUNNING in and sit under a tarp/tent. Under the tent they give the kids a bible lesson..Monday-Friday. The kids come from all over the city. Walking far with no shoes and carrying babies with them. I saw many kids..4-5 yrs old carrying a brother/sister on their back or on their hips. So they could have a meal too. This was blowing my mind. I just thought...They are so, so capable. These are the strongest and most capable children I have ever seen. When I get prideful and think I am strong..think again. Think back to the babies carrying the babies across town for some rice. Melanie..think back, rely on the Father always. This was special and fruitful and wonderful. We got to feed the kids when they came out of the tent and they were grateful. Smiling and full of JOY! Lots of little hands tugging on you for a hug and a smile. Just the best. My heart...SO full.

Cole and I made sure to spend time with the kids any chance we could. One time we spent time with a group of about 30 girls. The girls were much harder than the boys. The boys were very open and social. The girls were much more stand offish and reserved. The girls and boys live separate and eat separate. The culture is very separate. The girls were staring at us and we waved and they just looked at us. I walked up to one girl and wiggled my hair in her face. That was it! That was all it took...2 hours and tons of laughter later we had made friends! They played in my hair for the entire time. One would get under my chin and put my hair over her head and her friends would look and laugh at what she would look like with hair! They loved this..they braided it, brushed it with their picks and kissed and pinched my arms and face. Just wanted to touch and be touched...It is true that there are many love languages...it's most true that physical touch with these children is the most important. You cannot communicate much, if you give gifts they will stop depending on God for things and look to people to hand them things..if you hold out your hand and give them a hug, It's filling up their love tanks...I was more than happy to do so. Being my love language, I was in HEAVEN...HEAVEN...HEAVEN!! Cole was amazing. These girls were ALL OVER HIM..in his hair, holding his hand and touching his dimpled chin. He was a champ. This kid kept surprising me at every new turn.

We had heard that Heidi set up a "Bush" outreach for all of us. There were about 13 visitors the week we were there. It's an unusually low number we came to find out and it was unusual that Heidi was there all week too. So, God has us there at an unusual and perfect time. I confess, I confess, I confess....I DID NOT WANT TO GO INTO THE BUSH...AT ALL... AT ALL! I journaled that I was mad, I talked to God about that I was mad...But they gave me a tent and sleeping bag and said.. Have fun! We were spending 3 days and 2 nights there. We would visit two different villages. God wanted us to experience this even if I was mad about it. I decided to get over it quickly and go with it. I thought if I tried to stay at the base that maybe I'd get swallowed up by a giant African mosquito and have to live in it's belly for three days. We all hopped in the back of the Cami and headed out. No idea what to expect... I can tell you now that there would be NO IDEA I could even have tried to imagine what it would be like...

We got to the first village and set up our camp. It was dark by the time we were finished. No lights in the bush..we walked down to a section where they set up the ministry part. They parked the Cami there which turned into a movie screen where they played a movie about Jesus that had been translated into their language. After the movie, Heidi preached and asked for people who wanted healing to raise their hands. Many, many, many people needed prayer. Before that, Heidi asked Cole to give a testimony to the people. It was his 11th birthday! The whole village sang and then Cole told them about a dream he had a few nights before. The dream was about Satan pretending he was God and telling Cole that the Africans shouldn't be loved. They were unclean and dirty and unworthy. Satan tried to flatter Cole by telling him that he should stay away and that his skin was white and beautiful. Cole told Satan to be quiet and that the Africans are worthy and he would love them..God loves them and would love them. Crazy dream eh? He shared it and the crowd cheered! The crowd was so big, I kept Cole on the Cami and we prayed for the people who came up. It was a strange experience. There were lots of people who were genuine...there were lots of men who were not. They would ask for prayer so they could get close enough to put their hands all over you. I mean ALL OVER you. It was hard...I was scared and thinking they could pull any one of us girls off the Cami in the dark in one second. God was faithful... it was a long night. People testified God opened their ears and they could hear now and there were other healings as well as many people getting saved. We did not feel safe..we just prayed and prayed God would keep us. God kept us... We ate sandy tuna spaghetti for dinner and slept in our tent. All the time spraying gallons of mosquito repellent on us every hour or so. And kicking tarantula's while waiting to go to the bathroom, which was the outside baby! Just a dirt hole and the stars in the sky.

The next day we had church and stayed for the pastors wedding. The villagers all live in mud houses and the church was a mud church and it was so tiny. Worshipping with them was OUT OF CONTROL! Just voices, a jimbay and the Holy Spirit and you have yourself in the very presence of the GOOD LORD! It was the best... We played with the kids a bit before heading out to the next village. The next village just never felt right. I'll just say it was dark. Must have had more witchcraft than the last one, not sure. There were more witch doctors that I saw this time. Kids cruising about with giant machete's and the feeling that this just wasn't going to be easy. Right away they were more invasive and the grabbing was more inappropriate and intense. Cole wasn't just being touched he was being hit, grabbed, hair pulled. This was definitely some intense stuff we were entering into. That night was one of the scariest nights of my life. Honestly didn't know if we'd make it through. We didn't have any leaders with us. Heidi was on another outreach and it was Cole and I. Some young people from Texas and a wonderful woman visitor from England. We had local bible school students from the base to try to help translate but that wasn't going well. This time.. they told us there were about 3000 people there. We got into the Cami and just prayed..it just felt hard and all we could do was pray. Pray for the people and pray for God's protection. I felt very vulnerable as a woman and with my child. Oh Lord, I thought I was being stretched pretty good before this?? Now I realize that there was more stretching and more west that was dying. I got hit very hard by a crazed African woman with a baby on her back. She was screaming in my face and she was so angry. I couldn't understand her and it looked like she was not right....LORD, HELP! The video played and she continued to harass us. Cole was started to buckle a bit now. I could see I needed to keep it together for him. Although inside I wished I could just go fetal and hide somewhere and wait it out. We prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed for the crowds after the movie. It was an endless sea of faces and there were only 9-10 of us. When we were done, it was scary. All of us girls and Cole had to stand in the middle of the Cami and all close so that the men couldn't grab us or at us at the sides. They were getting rowdy and we were trying to protect ourselves. I can honestly say that I was afraid for my life and for Cole. What could I do? Pray...that's it and that's all I did. Pray Pray Pray... That night in the tent we were all thinking we were getting machete'd and we were joking but the kind that you go..hey this could happen. I couldn't sleep and kept waking up seeing that there were dark figures in the tent..Oye..PRAY PRAY PRAY...Never was I happier to see the morning sun than that next morning! The light always, always is best! We found out that a witch doctor gave her life to God and had some of the group pray curses and the darkness off her.. Amazing! Cole had reached his capacity. He could only be hit, yelled at, hair pulled and have things thrown at him for so long. He was tired and overwhelmed. I looked at him and tried to imagine myself doing what he has been doing and I couldn't. I was so proud of him. We were having an incredibly difficult time yet God had arranged it and saw us through it. Time to take the bad...there has been good and now here we were in the thick of crazy. God will see us through...that's all I would say to him while him and I waited outside in the Cami for 2 hours alone protecting all the stuff while the others were inside the church. We got harassed for two hours straight and Cole got the worst of it. God will see us through buddy.. And God did. I just told Cole that bringing the gospel to people is going to be hard. There will be times like this and we can't be angry at the people. Lots of people got saved and had healings...you have to pray and just let God get you through the hard parts...He understood..But like the rest of us, he was tired and ready to get back the base kids. Who after this experience, you could tell how good they were emotionally/spiritually.

When we got back to the base..I started to feel sick. I had a fever right away and my body didn't feel right. I took some Ibuprofen and hoped it would pass. It was one of the longest nights of my life. Having not slept and now my body feeling strange was a bad combination for me. Emotionally I was drained. I cried and I cried and I cried. I drank gallons and gallons of water.. Hoping I was dehydrated. I cried and asked God not to send me to that village hospital and to get me home with my son. How could this happen when I was suppose to leave the next day to South Africa for a three day layover with my son. I felt vulnerable and afraid. PRAY PRAY PRAY....Trust God and pray. Oh man..long rough night. Thinking what if I have Malaria or something? What do I do? Stay? The next morning a nurse came to see me. They gave me some medicine thinking it could be a UTI..although I didn't have any of those symptoms. We packed up...said goodbye to everyone. Prayed for the kids..the kids prayed for us. Our time at IRIS was over..(for now) and now it was time to start our journey home. Three day layover in South Africa..back to London and then a full day/night in NYC before getting home to KC. Well.. it was a long way home. I never got better..I went in and out of feeling horrible to OK..back to horrible. We were able to leave SA a day early and start back. When in NYC we got to our hotel but there was NO ROOM AT THE INN! So, got a hold of my parents who came through with finding us another hotel close. I was so sick..scared....keep praying Mel, just keep praying. God got you this far right? He did..but I still was up all night sick and crying in the bathtub...Oh man, all this brought me right back to Kendall being sick and working through that with God. Scared- PRAY- CRY-PRAY.. know God works everything out. Your emotions have to work themselves out along the way too.

It was so good to get home... had tests and tests and tests.. I went through Malaria treatment and honestly that was 100 times worse than Malaria. I lost my hearing within the first hour and was terribly sick. My mom flew back out to help me through it. My friend Marie was on back up call if Mom couldn't make it. Mom took care of the kids and me while Nate worked and she was amazing. I am a terrible patient.....Lord help the nursing home or person who has to love me as an elderly. I had to come off one set of meds a few days early. Doctor said it could be damaging my hearing permantely...After that... I AM WELL! I have felt great and GOD saw me through and through and through..haha!! Oh man


I have been INFECTED!!! INFECTED with AFRICA!!! Malaria was horrible but worth it?? A million times YES! I am so grateful God allowed me to go on this journey with my son. This was such a priveledge. Spending time and loving on God's precious treasures. Cole blew me away. God is preparing this boy for something. His heart, his compassion and his openness. He was gentle with the babies and kind to the elderly. I was proud of my boy..who will soon be a man. I know God used this to shape a part of him..forever. As for me...sometimes as Mom's I think you can forget about your dreams. I had a dream as a child that God saw fit to have fulfilled. Doesn't matter the years that pass..If you dream and still chase.. God still fulfills! This trip was more of everything...It was so good. I pray this is just the beginning of times back.

Cole told Heidi he would be back...The possibilities are endless.

So this was a novel.. : ) God was the most faithful. Like He promises..Like He always is. His heart is Big and his world is Big.. His people are all different and the cultures He celebrates. This was an amazing experience that I will hold in my heart.. those kids were treasures and I hope to see them again soon.....someday.

I need to catch up..Ya'll

So much has gone on these past two months! It was been one thing to the next...I miss having time to sit and watch a movie, chilling out with my family. Maybe this summer will bring those relaxing times once more. Africa, sickness,moving and now fixing up the house everyday, it's been overwhelming and insane. We have been driving back and forth to our old city(20-25 min) 5-6 nights a week. This will end soon. This is the last weekend of soccer and Awana just ended. I have wanted to write about Africa. Hope to do that soon. The kids are adjusting well to their schools and have made lots of friends. Our neighborhood is SUPER friendly and we need to get nicer I think to fit in. Just stoppin by to say "Hi" is normal amongst strangers and you ALWAYS walk up and ring the doorbell and introduce yourself and hand your cell phone numbers to the new folks in the neighborhood. In case you need anything, Ya'll! It is seriously so funny and we are laughing and loving every minute of it. My kids are making me crazy with their do-gooding ways lately. From Snail-saving ministry to lizard burial services and making me wait and wait and wait and almost get hit by 20 cars while they decide to pick up all the trash outside the supermarket to help the earth. Well...I say kids but I mean CJ & Cole. Kendall does not touch snails or lizards or trash. She just smiles and laughs and worries I am not feeding her fish Jerry Fischer enough....okay so I am off to wake the children up for school. I have been up since 4:30 and now I wish I was back in bed sleeping.

Thank you, thank you, thank you........

I just want to say Thank you... Thank you to everyone who has been praying for our trip. Thank you to everyone who gave so generously your money to help us. Thank you to my family and friends who encouraged me to go for it, helped me figure it out and filled in the missing pieces. I've been praying for blessings upon blessings to overwhelm all of you!!

I can't believe Thursday morning is almost here!! My living room is full of suitcases. I had to pack the girls also because they are off to California for the two weeks. I think I am pretty close to being ready. One would hope, being that I am less than two days away now. Despite my lists everywhere, I still seem to think of things I need all the time that are not on the lists. Talking about lists... Nathan has been laughing at me. He said, there are people in the world who feel better, more sane, are able to work more clearly when they get organized, prepared, make lists, have plans... you are NOT one of those people. You are actually just really angry when you have to do any of those things and somehow everything is more chaotic...and then I look at him and Nod and breathe deeply...I am so happy to be understood. It's so great to have someone understand how preparing for all this by myself has not been the FUN PART!! Lists, plans, organizing...NO NO NO!!!! It actually makes me CRAZY and MAD, MAD, MAD... ha ha I am glad he can laugh at me and then I laugh at myself. I think the planning is now officially over. I had to last minute plan when I found out just a few days ago that our three hour layover in South Africa turned into three days. At first I get overwhelmed. Really because I make myself nervous at my navigating capabilities. But, I prayed and worked through it and worked it all out. NYC overnight, London for a full day, Mozambique for a week and now South Africa for three days.... WOW, can I really manage all this??HEHEHEH!!!AHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! God thinks so....He surely will have Angel teams mobilized watching over my craziness and keeping a good eye on Cole and I. What an adventure God can take you on, if you let Him, eh??

I am beyond HAPPY...beyond EXCITED...beyond READY!!! God has made a way and I hope to live in each moment He creates....

I love you all and thank you again for all your blessings....

Blessings to you~~~~~~

The Ring

Sunday morning at church our pastor called us up front so he could pray for us. He wanted to pray for Cole and I on our trip to Africa and for protection over our family. After the service I had an older woman ask to speak to me. I had never met her before at church. She was holding this ring in her hand. She told me this story.......

"I had been given this ring many, many years ago and I got it when I was first saved. This ring symbolizes so much and is so special to me. A few years ago my daughter's friend was taking a trip to Africa and I felt like God was telling me to loan her my ring. I told God, I DON'T WANT TOO! Nope, Nope, Nope.. this can't be God...I would never take this ring off or let someone else borrow it. It's too special to me. I kept arguing about it with God but finally gave in and told her that I felt I was suppose to let her wear it while she was gone. The ring was too big for her fingers, so she attached it to her bracelet. On her trip she was walking outside the base where she was staying and praying to God and she noticed her bracelet fell off. She turned around and saw it back behind her on the road. When she bent down to pick it up, she looked ahead to where she was walking and saw a poisonous huge snake right where she was walking before! God protected her! This morning when you were up there, I felt like God told me to lend it again to you and your son while on your trip to Africa. This time I didn't even argue!"

Isn't that just the best! I put it on my finger immediately and I will wear it the entire time we are on our trip. I love that it says JESUS and I am wearing it on my ring finger right along side my wedding rings.....

One of these people might not live much longer....

My two daughters....these two are the most different people on the planet. Down to their different hair colors. These two do not function, think or act alike. This can be fun and not fun. Tonight it is not fun. I closed the house a little early tonight so they could get to cleaning their room. This idea was not welcomed by them. They find it very hard to work together. Cleaning rooms were much easier at our last house when they had separate rooms. This will once again be easier as we move into our new home soon and they can work ALONE. Working together on cleaning their room, usually involves both girls getting in trouble, one girl crying, sometimes spankings and is never done before hours and hours go by. It's the most drama event that occurs in this household currently. Why does this happen?? Well...because they are different colors.. Hot Pink and Black! Kendall is a talker..she talks all day, sings all day, there is always something coming out of her mouth. She likes to talk and sing when she works.. CJ is pretty quiet. She DOES NOT enjoy talking/singing while she works. This simple difference causes ALL THIS DRAMA! It's insane... Tonight, this was the conversation while they were walking into their room.... CJ," Mom I can't do it! She won't be QUIET!" Kendall, " MOM I can't STOP, I am a TALKING PERSON!" Me,"Kendall you need to keep quiet and just focus on working." Kendall," MOM I CAN'T TAKE THIS CHALLENGE!" Me,"Kendall you have to take this challenge because I'm not asking you if you want to stop talking, I am telling you to stop talking." Well I am sure now that she was correct in her initial thoughts---I CAN'T TAKE THIS CHALLENGE! She did need some more guiding. Within the first 2 minutes there was drama and crying and Nate already had to walk down there and banish Kendall to eternal silence....well at least until the room is clean. He also had to threatened CJ not to physically hurt Kendall when she talks/sings. Kendall yells up to us lots that CJ has some crazy eyes on her and she has promised to inflict pain upon her soon.....Let's hope they both survive the rest of the night.

Bosley is seriously into Cole's travel pillow...we think he's getting a little too fancy for our liking these days...

Can't resist the fierce posing...

She did it again!

I'm super proud of her... she came home today with the news that she won the award for the second time this year! In honor, we let her choose dinner and she said there was a movie at school today where the person was eating pizza and it was torturing her...so, pizza hut wins.

Celebrating CJ!

Today CJ turns 9...She woke us up at 6:00am seriously excited. She said she couldn't sleep all night and she kept telling herself to just, "go to sleep ALREADY CJ!"

CJ's menu for the day:

Breakfast: Omelette's with bacon and cheese inside

Lunch: She has to think about it

Dinner: Shredded Pork over Rice

Dessert: Chocolate frosting and marble cake

We are taking her to tunnel voyage to play this afternoon. We got her horse riding lessons and she was seriously stoked over that. She starts Tuesday night. I found her some cowboy boots and she can't wait for Tuesday to be here now.

I love this child...it's been a serious joy being her Mom and watching her personality grow. She is really a mix of Nate and I. She is feisty and fun and free and full of life! I am grateful for these 9 years with her and I pray that God gives me many, many more....

God the beginning and God the end

I read this in the morning and It just made me cry. It's good to be reminded about how incredibly Large and out of this world God is. It is also good to be reminded how even when we think we are so smart that we truly have no wisdom unless God has Himself revealed it to us. And it's not even our wisdom we have acquired because all wisdom is His as is every good thing and good part. All knowledge belongs to Him and we are- only because of Him. Thought I would share this little part........






God is always first, and God will surely be last. To say this is not to draw God downward into the stream of time and involve Him in the flux and flow of the world. He stands above His own creation and outside of time, but for the convenience of His creatures, who are children of time, He makes free use of time-words when referring to Himself. So He says that He is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, the first and the last.



Man in the plan of God has been granted considerable say, but never is he permitted to utter the first word nor the last. That is the prerogative of the Deity, and one which He will never surrender to His creatures.



Man has no say about the time or place of his birth, God determines that without consulting the man himself. One day the little man finds himself in consciousness and accepts the face that he is. There his volatile life begins. Before that he had nothing to say about anything. After that he struts and boasts and utters his defiant proclamations about individual freedom, and encouraged by the sound of his own voice he may declare his Independence of God and call himself an "atheist" or an "agnostic." Have your fun, little man, you are only chattering in the interim between first and last, you had no voice at the first and you will have none at the last. God reserves the right to take up at the last, where He began at the first, and you are in the hands of a God whether you will or not.



This knowledge should humble us and encourage us, too. It should humble us when we remember how frail we are, how utterly dependent on God, and it should encourage us to know that when everything else has passed we may still have God no less surely than before.....



(From- The Root of Righteousness by A.W. Tozer)

Life has been so insanely busy lately but nothing to complain about, just is what it is. Looks like the CA deal for opening the restaurants is not going to be happening. Well at least any time soon. Nate and I have been PRAYING and looking at all sorts of fun places to go live. Africa, Hawaii, Washington and Oregon..applying for jobs and missionary positions to see what pops up. Not much had been popping up. We have been so confused the last few years...Thinking we were moving now 2 times and then not moving, yet really being happy here and not really wanting to leave. I've been laughing most days, tired some, at the zero funds emotional tank others. So confused yet so totally in the knowledge that we are right where we are suppose to be. Even if the next step isn't in clear sight. We started looking around here for houses and property. Thinking that if we do stay here that we would love to leave the city and try something rural! Why not? We found a pretty great place...It's on 1.5-2 acres and has a private lake in the backyard that 3 other homes share. It's 4000 sq feet and when fixed up would just be the most beautiful place to live...So we put an offer in and it was accepted! We find out Friday after the inspection if there is something major going on with it that would change our minds. It's a for-closure but not really old so maybe everything still works. So we'll know more on Friday and we are really surprised and excited that this might be the plan and that God would be bringing us to a smaller town and have me live amongst more bugs, mice and Lord knows what else. We are trying to get this all figured out and 100 other things the next few weeks. If we get the house we'll close the day Cole and I get back from Africa. Spring is just around the corner and that means Life picks up again quite a bit. I am looking forward to this next Season of weather and adventure!

Facing the reality of the longings in your soul is quite fascinating...knowing that desires have been with you as long as you can remember back as if they were formed into your fabric...unable to see the picture of what it looks like in full yet being at peace with knowing that the God that made you sees the deepest parts because it's He who put them there in the beginning...Overwhelmed with being loved so much He had to create Me...to have me, to look at me, to smile upon me...All this causes me to weep and giggle and throw my hands up and reach out my hands to My love, My Lord, My Reason..... I am in love with Him and I know that He will make the deep parts come to be, as long as I keep my hands up, my eyes wet and my heart giggly....

I hope you are in Love and Overwhelmed by it....There is a God who created you, had to have you and smiles at the very thought of you.

Be Blessed...

"A loving heart is the truest wisdom"

-Charles Dickens

4 weeks!!!

I can't believe I have 4 weeks until AFRICA..... But what I do believe is, the yellow fever would be a hideous thing to have. After getting the shot last Monday Cole and I have been tore up all week. Still not really over it. Fevers, stomach sick, extremely tired and other lovely things happening to our bodies. The full on YF has to be horrendous. Cole said he was falling asleep in class on Friday. This is the child who would never sleep if he had the chance and party till the break of dawn, ya'll. I knew it had to be hitting him bad. So we should be good any day now.... I am on countdown and crazy excited!

Mercy and Red Velvet Cake

Last night was a pretty cool moment between my son and I. Nate and I were craving some sweets and we decided to make a cake. I usually have brownies or ice cream on constant supply but this time I had cake! We have this rule about eating(for our kids) that if they choose not to finish eating at meal times(we have to give them a half hour time limit too or they could sit for HOURS TALKING and never eating) then it's OK, they just don't get snacks or dessert. This keeps us not fighting over food and makes them choose whether or not they go hungry. Last night Cole was super chatty boy and didn't finish his dinner in time. He was literally like two bites away and Nate made the call and told him, sorry son. Cole was pretty bummed..."Dad, I only had two bites left!" Dad," Cole we gave you extra time and you were goofing around. Love ya too much to argue about it!" The end... It was around 9:45pm when Nate and I got around to frosting the cake. Nate went to see if Cole was asleep(we also have this close the house rule/you choose if you want to stay up reading rule...sounds like we have a lot of rules...haha but we don't run a boot camp!)and to turn out his light for him because he usually falls asleep reading. Cole was up and I called him into the kitchen. It was just him and I.. I was frosting the cake and had a big spoon of frosting for him. He looked at me, " Mom no, I didn't finish my dinner." Me, "yeah I know" I held the frosting up still. Cole," Mom really it's OK, I don't deserve it, I didn't finish, it's really OK." Me," Cole we all don't deserve lots of things in life. God chooses mercy over and over and I love you so much and I am choosing mercy and I want you to have some cake tonight." Cole just looked at me and his eyes watered all up and he just hugged me and thanked me from his heart and it hit somewhere deep in him. Oh MAN! I didn't see it playing out like that when I called him in to give him some frosting. It's crazy how God can teach you about how incredible He is in the big ways and in the simplest....and last night it was in a piece of red velvet cake.

CJ's under control sheet

CJ is like me in a lot of ways. We are external beings. We are passionate in demonstrating our love and passionate in demonstrating our anger. I've come to learn that it's pointless to tell someone like me and CJ to not get mad and want to do something about it. It's like telling a mute to stop being silent. Not going to happen! Instead, seeing that I have produced a child that functions in ways that are similar to myself I've figured that instead of telling her not to get mad, Nate and I try to give her ideas on how to manage the madness. Instead of punching your sister Kendall in the face, you can walk away to your room and punch your webkinz or yell a bit or write out your angers(which she is pretty dang good at and I'm convinced she is going to write a tell all on our insane family some day) but do something other than attack someone. CJ always feels bad right after she gets mad. She is the quickest to forgive and the quickest to ask for forgiveness. She can get angry and be is diffused and over it, in a minute. She isn't a loaded gun either. She doesn't get mad all the time or about everything but when she gets mad, the other kids best look out. External processors(thanks Marie for the name and explanation) like us just need outlets because we don't go internal with our anger..It takes time for us to think about why we want to punch something so instead we just would rather kick a hole in the door and be over it.

Nate asked her if she wanted to keep a sheet that she could write how she was feeling about what was going on with her and things she wanted to work on or things she was proud of, in regards to her emotions. I took a picture of it, it's a little hard to read so here's what it says.

CJ's under control sheet!

Today I did not yell at Kendall

Today I tried to make Kendall stop yelling

Today I did not yell at Kendall

Today I made Kendall feel better

Today I kissed Kendall's Boo Boo

Tucked Kendall in

Played outside with Kendall

I did not get mad

I cleaned our room together

I hugged her because shes my sister

I think most of her drama is with Kendall??! Those two are as opposite as they come. haha Oh man this parenting stuff is insane.

Kendall-"Mama, do you know what I want to be when I grow up?" Me-" Yes baby, you want to be a chef!" Kendall- " I do, but there are more things that I want to be too." Me-"wow, more things than a chef, tell me." Kendall-" Ohhhhhkay, a chef, a vet and a super spy!" Me-" You want to be all those things at once? Wow, do you know what a super spy does?" Kendall- "they spy on bad people and call the police to take them to jail" Me-" if your spying on bad people that means your probably in some not safe areas and around some dangerous kind of people. Do you think that's something you want to do?" Kendall-" Oh no, I don't ever want to be a super spy, forget that."

A few minutes pass by....

"Mama, do you know what I want to be when I grow up? Me-" a chef, and a vet" Kendall- "yes but now I want to be a chef, a vet and a Super MODEL!" Me-" What?? A Supermodel! What do they do?" Then she proceeded to prance around walking and flicking her hair everywhere. Nate walks in.. Me-"Kendall wants to be a supermodel and she is practicing." Nate,"KENDALL! You aren't going to be a supermodel! I don't want you walking around flipping your hair and shaking your hips being all silly!" Kendall-"DADDY! But I'm just going to do this." Then she walks around again and flips her hair a bit laughing wildly. Nate-"Um, nope" Kendall- " But I will make clothes designs and wear them to take pictures in!" Nate-" Nope, I like the chef idea" Kendall-"Okay Daddy I'll be a chef, a vet and I will think of something else.......later"

My Friends

My senior "gym" friends are becoming my most favorite people in the world! I seriously look forward to going to the gym in the morning because I know my friends will be there. While I'm there I think I only get about 10 minutes of a physical workout. Instead I am just really enjoying spending time with them. I have heard so many stories and the more I hear the more I am in love. I have one friend who loves to tell me stories about his time in World War II. Stories about losing friends, traveling the world, finding his wife and all about how he learned to play the bagpipes. He is the grand marshall I should have you know.. in the KC St. Patty's Day Parade every year. I was on the phone with my friend Jen one time at the gym and she got to have the experience of hearing lots of my friends. They would come up to me and start talking and then ask who I was on the phone with. Then ask Jen questions through me. Still to this day my friends ask about my friend in CA and if she is doing good and going to visit soon!! haha They love to make dollar bets with me, they love to tell me about women and how a good woman should know how to cook a good gravy and they worry that I am sick if I haven't gone for a few days. They are sweet and wonderful and I could truly hang out with them all day!!

Facing my Mirror

This first month of the new year has been a really good one. I've had some hard times, emotionally which has caused me to really ask God some honest questions. It's hard to look at myself and see what truly is looking back at me. I'm really trying to not be afraid of whatever it is that is me and face all truth, that is... who I am. I have a desire to really have God show me what it's like to see, know, be in friendship with, parented by, married to... Me. Asking myself this I think would have been hard enough if I were to get real honest. Asking God to really show me, I am hoping for it to get harder and I don't want God to hold anything back. I want to see the good parts that I don't see. I want to see the bad parts that I don't see. I am hoping to come into better focus. How can I love God and please Him through my relationships, revealing His glory? I'm not sure yet but it sounds like a good time finding it out.

God created her and I think she is just great

CJ is a writer. She loves to keep journals and write down her thoughts. She is an artist. She makes pictures sometimes all day and finds so much enjoyment in being alone creating. She is a worshipper of God and has written beautiful songs for Him. She brought me one of her journal's tonight and asked me to read some of the things she had been writing. Thought I would share, with her permission of course....


A prayer for God:

I pray for God because he has to look after everybody.
It must be really hard, if I had to do that.
But somehow it's really easy for Him... So Amen


GOD:

God is peaceful
He is so kind
When we do something bad
He forgives you every time
PRAISE GOD



At school I sit thinking about reading the Bible. It will be fun! Learning about God more and more every day of my life.


Dear God, I really feel scared but Why? Can I control myself? Why is it so hard to not be scared? Why can't the Devil be sorry for what he did?


We need Peace oh Lord
Oh mighty Lord we sing
To you oh mighty Lord
I need to see you Lord
We need Peace

Kendall "giggles" Fischer

Weave-Tastic

I picked the kids up from school yesterday and I saw this around Cole's neck. I asked him what it was and he said he weaved it at school and he doesn't know what it is.. only that it's.....

WEAVE-TASTIC!

Mel the Magician

When I wake up in the morning I look pretty scary. I wash my face(most of the time) the night before and my mascara gets all over my face, around my eyes and it's quite frightening really. So I leave it however it looks and go to bed. The next morning I walk around looking like a monster and no one in the house says much about it. Sometimes if the eyes are really black Kendall will get scared. Friday I was feeling a little sicky so I looked scary all day. One of Nate's friends was having a birthday party that night and I was feeling better so Nate had told me that we needed to go soon. I totally forgot about the party all together. It was 5:20 and we needed to be out of the house by 5:40 to get there. It was a surprise party so we couldn't really be late. The kids were still dressed from school but I only had minutes to fix the disaster. I hopped in the shower and started flailing around trying to get dressed and look normal. I was getting upset because I didn't think I'd be ready and Nate walks in the room...Nate"what's up, we have about 5 minutes before we have to go, can you make it?" Me- scary face," Umm I don't think so. I wish you would have reminded me earlier" Nate," Oh sorry I didn't think about it." Me," yeah well I need like a half hour to get ready, when I have to take a shower." Nate,"I don't know the getting ready rules, all I know is that your like a magician. Your out here, you go in there, you do some stuff and wallah, you come out looking perfect"
I could say no more.. I just laughed and laughed. He said it so straight faced and serious. In his eyes, he has no idea what I do and how I go from looking like scary face to normal. He doesn't know the time or what really occurs. He just knows I go behind the door and when I re-appear, all is well again......awesome

If you look at her eye in the picture you can see a pretty good bruise. Last Saturday the girls were cleaning their room and I heard the LOUDEST noise. It sounded like their TV fell and hit the ground. Then I hear screaming. I run down stairs and see CJ looking at me very nervous and Kendall with her face covered in her hands. So the story is this... CJ put a towel over Kendall's eyes and then was trying to direct her around the room to not crash into stuff. Well it didn't work out so well and Kendall went running quickly into the wall face first. This pic is 5 days after. Her eye was swollen pretty bad the first couple days. She was sad for a few days about it but is happy once again..


Here is a video of her reciting her Awana bible verse for the week. Kendall can't read yet(but a few words here and there)but she insists on looking at the book and pretending she is reading her verses all the time! You can hear Bosley giving some good snores in the background too.

Make this..you won't be disappointed!

Okay so this isn't my picture but it's a picture of what it could look like. I've made this a few times and it is by FAR the best pork ribs I've ever had!

I changed the recipe a bit and I add cilantro to mine. If you don't like cilantro then the original recipe says add fresh parsley. I also add worcester sauce and soy sauce and the original recipe says to add soy sauce. I saw people complained it was too salty. The worcester sauce is so good in it! You should really make this cause it's AMAZING!

Stove top Pork Ribs

10 pork ribs (I've used with and without bones, I usually use boneless)

1/2 c worcester sauce (4 tablespoons I put of soy sauce in the cup first)

10 cloves garlic peeled and crushed a bit

4 tablespoons Italian seasoning

2 limes- juice only

Add black pepper and salt

1/2 bushel of fresh cilantro leaves

Put the ribs in a large pot with just enough water to cover them. Add Worcester/soy mix and garlic, Italian seasoning, lime juice, salt and pepper and cilantro. Bring to a boil and then let boil uncovered until water is evaporated. It could take 1 to 2 hours depending on the pot size and size of ribs. Usually takes me closer to 2 hours but it's great because they shred good the longer they are on. Watch the pot when it starts to get really low because the water goes fast then. Start moving the ribs around so they get browned and scrape all the bits off the bottom of the pan so they get all over the ribs. Keep turning and moving anywhere from 5-15 minutes after water is gone. They won't burn if you keep moving them. Mine usually shred a lot during this. I have served this over rice and the sauce is sooo good!!! You can squeeze fresh limes over it after too if you like that.

ENJOY!

Who knows.. not me, that's for sure.

Since my life is still in a complete state of confusion, I've been thinking lots about what the next thing in our life will be. At this point we can't make any plans being that the Northern CA contract is still in effect and still could happen this summer. Just knowing that that might not happen(due to lawyer stuff and suing and land stuff between the investor and the Company) has left me once again confused and saying to God ..ok..so, what's up!?! Sold our house in a day, we weren't trying to move anywhere, dropped this opportunity on us and now... hmmmm? When I say I am down for an adventure I really do mean it. I wonder if that means I'll be confused my whole life now. When I try to make plans, they don't happen. When I don't try to make plans, they happen then they don't happen!!! CRAZY!! I've been praying and still have no idea what to do if this deal falls through. Stay here? We love it here, Nate has a great job, kids school is amazing, wonderful church. Move anywhere???!?!?!? Sounds insane but exciting! I have been looking at YWAM and mission bases all over the world at ministry opportunities they have open. And the needs are so GREAT. I don't know... Nate talked to me about selling everything, buying a motor home and traveling everywhere we could drive too. HAHA!!! AHHH!! OK, where do we get money for food and gas and Nathan and I are not the homeschooling type. This would require a SERIOUS act of the LORD! So not in my heart.... It's kind of exciting to think that since we did sell our house we could just pick up and do whatever we want to do(of course Lord willing)and go wherever we want to go. Maybe I just won't come back from Africa..haha. Well, so I continue in my confusion, continue praying and maybe I'll be in Spain in 6 months..??? WOOOHOOO!!!!

Oh boy...

It's getting closer to my trip and man I have lots of details and ways of travel I have to figure out and keep track of. There are lots of weird names like Airtran, airtrain, piccadilly, the tube....that I will have to figure out how to get on, get to the right place, transfer on and not lose Cole on. Terrifying! haha I am just about the worst direction person ever born and even when I have plans and directions in front of me I just never seem to work it out right. Can it be true that I will be traveling around NYC and London and Africa being responsible to know what's going on? AHH!!!!! haha

This is going to be so insane and so much fun. Cole is already saying things like, "mom we are totally getting lost, you know it's true right?" Yes son... I know it's true. I will pray God gives me a mind to handle this(only for this time, cause otherwise I'd be exhausted) but if we get lost, whatever it will be an adventure! We are flying into Long Island and have to take a bus ride to one location and then an airtrain to another stop where we get on another train thing to JFK.. Then we are off to London for a 12 hour layover..I am 99% sure we can travel around and we'll take some tube or piccadilly things to see the Tower of London(I must see this famous spot of all my beloved history books about the Tudors)and some other spots. Then off to Johannesburg and then one more flight to Pemba! Two weeks of incredible who knows what... God's goodness. Kids, kids and more kids. Mosquito nets and iodine tablets, malaria pills and hoping Cole doesn't starve to death himself. Oh man, I can't wait...Two months away now and I can already feel myself getting crazy about being there. I'd take 500 flights and 5 million weird transports to be there. I wonder how wrecked I'm going to be.. I hope demolished and ruined for life. Oh my son... can't wait to see what God has in store for this young man. At the base they are seeing so many miracles..Blind people seeing every week, dead people raised, lame walking and so much more. I think my eyes have been blind and I hope they will see all of the GLORIOUS things God does on earth. After we head back the same way(that it if I don't get arrested for trying to smuggle lots of kids with me)and we have a day in NYC and spend the night there at a hotel. That should be a nice end...By then I can call someone to google maps for me or something to get me around.

Wow wow wow.. I am so pumped and terrified and it's just a wonderful feeling... 15 days of adventure~~~~